How To Turn A Real-Life Guy Into A Fictional Hero, Part One

How To Turn A Real-Life Guy Into A Fictional Hero, Part One

Although most of my Water Signs characters are inspired by and/or based upon real people I’ve known or met in my lifetime, at some point during the writing process, they took on rich, full identities that extended far and beyond their initial conceptions. Nowhere is this more evident than in the case of my two protagonists, Ken (based on a man I met in my 20s at the Jersey Shore) and Madeline (based on me, and named for my grandmother and mother).

For the purposes of this particular entry, I want to focus on Ken as an example of how to incorporate some of the qualities, mannerisms and attributes of a real person into a fictional counterpart. To minimize confusion while simultaneously honoring copyright laws, I will use “Ken” when referring to the flesh-and-blood man, and Ken when referring to the character that turns Maddy’s world upside-down in the novel.

Briefly, I met “Ken” when I was a young, somewhat naive woman of 25 (I know for some the “naive” part might be hard to fathom given the age, but I assure you, dear readers, it is the truth). Although I come from a loving, supportive and at times, rambunctious family that encouraged me to go for my dreams and believe in myself, I possessed stubborn, lingering insecurities over being “too fat”, “not good enough” and even “undesirable”, thanks to the normal slings and arrows of childhood and adolescence. Children and teenagers can be very unforgiving of things like an extra few pounds, especially teenage high school boys. Being a sensitive Pisces sort didn’t help either, as I tended to internalize unpleasantness to the point where I would completely overlook reality.

Therefore, even after losing weight and becoming an attractive twenty-something, I still clung to an old, worn-out image of myself that no amount of positive feedback on any of my attributes could break. For example, I’ve been blessed with great skin, mostly due to the luck of the gene pool. But no matter how many times someone would genuinely compliment me on it, it was hard to absorb the truth in what they were articulating; in my mind, paying a compliment — sincere as it might be — was simply something people did to be nice. This tendency only got worse when my first boyfriend, immortalized in the book as “Jake Winston”, continually criticized me for everything from my hairstyle to the way I looked in a bathing suit.

Needless to say, outside of my dad, brothers, other relatives and a few close family friends, I regarded men suspiciously. They seemed to be people who inflicted a lot of emotional pain, interested in only one thing (for which you had to have the “perfect” face and body to qualify). The summer I met “Ken”, I’d just endured a pretty traumatic break-up with “Jake” and was still reeling from the hurtful things he’d said and done, not to mention the cowardly way in which he’d ended our relationship over the phone.

“Ken” — who was so full of life and energy — completely blew me away. The night we unexpectedly ended up together at a dance club in Somers Point (yes, Chapter One is pretty faithful to reality) after my girlfriend “Carmen” (whose character is written exactly as I remember her) trotted off with another female friend and their two Iranian paramours, I amazed myself with my own words and actions — not the least of which was announcing my intention to hang out with “Ken”, rather than go home at 10 p.m. (the thought of being alone in a crowded dance club was tantamount to torture).

After all, he’d bought a long-stemmed rose initially for my exotic friend, not me, when we were moving to the beat on the dance floor to some high-energy tunes. I remember laughing with her, then — as if out of nowhere — seeing this hand in front of her, bearing the delicate red flower with the red devil attached to its stem. I visually traced the path from stem, to bloom to arm, until I finally noticed a tall, muscular, blond guy with a great smile nodding at her. She accepted the gesture, and as they began to dance, I headed back to our cocktail table, half-laughing to myself (knowing her date for the evening was set to arrive any moment), half-annoyed (she already had a date; why couldn’t some cute guy buy me a rose for change?).

So in the parking lot moments later, in the wake of his clearly expressed irritation at “Carmen” (if you already had a date, you damn well should have told me!), it was as if someone else spoke through me when I suddenly 1) complimented him for bringing along an extra shirt, which we’d all just witnessed him change into; and 2) announced in no uncertain terms that I would not be a “fifth wheel”, but would instead “stay here and hang out with Ken” for the night. It’s a testament to my pathetic sense of self-worth at the time that I immediately followed that by asking if it was alright with him, and then breathed a huge sigh of relief when he agreed to the arrangement.

But from that point on, “Ken” was a charming, attentive companion, once I demanded (in a another surprising move) that either he stop complaining about my friend or I was “outta here”! And when he reacted with amusement, instead of annoyance, it intrigued me. In the instant he took my hand and playfully announced, “Then let’s dance!” I knew the rest of the night would be memorable. I didn’t bank on ever seeing him again, mistrusting his obvious interest in me, thanks mainly to the baggage I was still carrying around. And yet, true to his promise, he showed up at the beach the very next day, much to my amazement and my family’s entertainment (Chapter Two humorously recounts the event in vivid detail).

So how does Ken differ from “Ken” and vice-versa?

In the beginning at least, “Ken” like his alter-ego, was incredibly complimentary, affectionate and respectful. He was also the first (and so far, only) guy to marvel at the small size of my hands. When we’d socialized together that night at the club, I remember him picking up one of my hands and kissing it, apparently fascinated. He’d often tell me how beautiful I was, and there were many occasions when I’d catch him staring at me (which of course, made me nervous since I still didn’t see myself that way).

Both men are Pisces, although I changed the birthdays, giving characters Ken and Madeline a shared birthday of March 7, in honor of my late grandmother’s birthday. My real birthday is March 14, but I thought it would be fun to add to the “star-crossed” appeal of the love story by bringing my characters into the world on the exact day, month and year. Thus, “Ken” and Daria are both Pisces, albeit about two-weeks or so apart, whereas Ken and Madeline not only share the same Zodiac sign, but also the same time of arrival on the earthly plane of existence.

Other similarities between “Ken” and Ken: US Navy service, working-class upbringing, Catholic schooling, close relationship with mom, difficult relationship with dad, desire for a better life, trailblazers in their families, passionate, patriotic, well-groomed, athletic, good dancers, fun-loving, smart, handsome, insecure at times, sensitive to a fault on occasion, hard-working, ambitious, strong, family-oriented and in possession of an ingrained sense of duty, honor and responsibility.

Both men hurt Madeline (and me) deeply, purposely and unintentionally, depending upon the circumstance. Both men confessed to “not wanting to live in sin anymore” as at least one motivation for marriage, and admitted (with obvious resignation) to “turning into my father after all”. Both wanted to have their cake and eat it, too in terms of retaining a friendship with Maddy/me after withholding the truth about their commitment to another woman.

Perhaps due to the fact that I am working on a sequel, the differences between fact and fiction have become more pronounced. As Ken develops and expands as a character in Sea To Shining Sea, he gets further and further away from his initial inspiration — a process that began somewhere in the middle of Water Signs. Quite possibly, this occurred somewhere around Chapter 30 or so, when the book started to dramatically transform from a fusion of fact and fiction, into purely fictional territory.

I’ll discuss this in greater detail in another post.

Preview and purchase Water Signs: A Story of Love and Renewal on Amazon.com.

 

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Water Signs: Countering The Culture of Self-Absorption

 

No mere love story, Water Signs celebrates the values that made America the “last, best hope on Earth.”

In today’s climate of government irresponsibility, where the same “leaders” who helped cause the economic meltdown (e.g. Chris Dodd and Barney Frank vis-à-vis Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac) are not only absolved of all culpability, but actually permitted to retain their posts; and an increasing number of citizens erroneously believe it’s the president’s job to pay your mortgage and put gas in your tank, it is easy to lose sight of the enduring principles upon which our country was founded. Try as I might, in the phrase “life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness,” I cannot extract anything remotely resembling a health care, employment or housing mandate on the part of the federal government.

Then again, I am a third-generation offspring of a family lineage in which faith, determination and hard work are the only things you need to find success in a free and democratic nation. My relatives are hardly unique in this regard, as America’s Founding Fathers—and most of yesteryear’s immigrants—shared the same philosophy. Their spirit of self-reliance lives on through my book’s main characters, many of whom are based on real-life people.

Take Ken Lockheart, for example. A handsome young man of 18, he wants more out of his life than his sleepy Jersey Shore town can provide. Unfortunately, Ken’s working- class parents are unable to assist with paying for the formal education he so ardently desires. Moreover, his father misinterprets his son’s ambition as a personal insult, threatened by his industriousness, and enraged that he would dare forge a different path from the one set out for him by his three older brothers.

An optimist by nature and a patriot at heart, Ken defies his father by enlisting in the US Navy, where he serves his country honorably. Upon his return to civilian life, he accepts the employment opportunities he discovers—not because they align with his ultimate career goals—but because they offer a means to meet his financial obligations and develop a reputation of accomplishment and reliability, even as he strives to attain something better.

Although he faces formidable challenges, it never occurs to Ken to be envious of others who don’t share them, or to whine to the government for assistance. Having seen first-hand the brutalities of some foreign regimes in faraway lands, it is enough for him to live in a country where anyone can rise above their circumstances through sheer force of will.

When Ken unexpectedly meets the beautiful Madeline Rose, he not only falls deeply in love with the sweet and frustratingly self-effacing young woman, but also with the successful family from which she hails. In particular, Ken regards renowned neurosurgeon Dr. Joseph Rose as the embodiment of notable achievement tempered with affability, humility and sincerity.

Like Ken, Dr. Rose enters life as one of four sons in a blue-collar family, though he faces the added challenge of being a child of immigrants. While the good doctor’s upbringing is filled with love, it is also lacking in the financial resources necessary to pay for college and medical school tuition. But rather than cry about the unfairness of it all, Joseph relies on his own diligence, perseverance and sacrifice, working three jobs while maintaining a stellar academic record. He eventually earns a reputation as a top neurosurgeon in Philadelphia.

Both Ken and Joseph embody the American Dream, a concept that has been completely distorted in modern times, where it is not only commonplace, but completely acceptable to wallow in “victim-hood.”

Personal responsibility, patience and a Higher Power be damned! We want it all and we want it now!

The character of Erin Maloney exemplifies our current culture of self-absorption. Though married to a faithful man and devoted breadwinner who loves her dearly, Erin becomes thoroughly intertwined in the negative aspects of the Boca Raton lifestyle, with its obsessive focus on plastic surgery, designer clothes and extravagant mansions. In a futile attempt to retain her youth by means of endless surgical procedures, she ultimately causes the disintegration of her own family. Of the three transplants to South Florida, she’s the only one who loses sight of her traditional values.

Lastly, in the character of Madeline Rose, we find the internal conflict of desire versus morality, driven by the difficult challenge of honoring one’s moral upbringing while functioning in the contemporary dating world. Exacerbating the situation is her stubborn resistance to seeing herself as the lovely young woman she is, rather than the chubby child and adolescent of her past. Contemporary women’s magazines—none of which seem to reflect her viewpoints as a female and a Christian—only compound the problem by extolling the virtues of casual sex, size-2 figures and artificially enhanced breasts. Yet Maddy stubbornly upholds the high standards that have shaped her very existence.

When presented with a heart-wrenching moral dilemma, she chooses the honorable path, hiding her feelings for Ken so as to avoid hurting another woman. In the process, she inadvertently lays the groundwork for the darkest period of her life. Yet in the end, Maddy emerges victorious by holding firm to her faith in God, nurturing her personal relationships and moving through obstacles with resolve and determination.

Perhaps if America were exclusively populated with citizens like Ken, Joseph and Madeline, economic bailouts, unscrupulous politicians, moral relativism and the looming specter of socialism would be the stuff of horror films, instead of just another day in D.C.

Note: This piece was also published by Smart Girl Nation.

Preview and purchase Water Signs: A Story of Love and Renewal on Amazon.com.

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Fun Facts About Water Signs: A Story of Love and Renewal

Fun Facts About Water Signs: A Story of Love and Renewal

Since my novel is a loosely autobiographical tale of first love and second chances, I thought it would be amusing to compile a list of “Fun Facts” explaining the fusion of real life into fiction. Enjoy!

The character Madeline Rose is named for my grandmother and mother. Originally, I was going to use “Rose” for Maddy’s middle name, but decided it made an excellent surname for the entire family.

My confirmation name is Madeline, chosen by me as a young girl to honor my grandmother’s memory.

The shared birthday of Ken and Madeline, March 7, was my grandmother’s actual birthday. And while the real life counterparts for these characters don’t really share the same birthday, both are Pisces! 🙂

I wrote most of Part One using a different first name for the Ken character — the name of the real life person upon which this character is loosely based. Not wanting to lose any ground, I kept going until I finally settled on the name, “Kenneth.” Thank goodness for the “Find and Replace” feature on Word!

The name “Water Signs” was chosen for a variety of reasons, the most obvious having to do with Zodiac signs and the coastal locations of the story. However, since water is also a symbol of renewal in traditional religious faith and spiritual practices, the use of water imagery worked well for a 16-year personal growth odyssey. You’ll notice it throughout the book.

Chapters 21, 22 and 23 were culled from a manuscript I’d written about 10 years ago, and then thrown into a filing cabinet, never to be seen again until I sat down to seriously write the book in March, 2008.

A keeper of journals for over 20 years, I pulled them out to help me fill in details and flesh out characters, plots and circumstances.

Though I’ve been fully recovered from panic and anxiety disorder for 12 years, it still pained me deeply to have to go back and read my real life journals, which chronicle that awful period in vivid detail. Though I’d written in them faithfully on a daily basis, I’d never gone back to review them. So pulling them out after all this time was tough. To make it easier, I literally wrote the happy ending — the 2nd half of Part Two — first, then went back and filled in the story!

Technology progresses along with the novel, so we start off with the new phenomenon of “car phones,” work our way up to cell phones and beepers, and then finally to the Internet and website design!

To help set the time period from 1992-2008, I employed a lot of great music. During the summer of 1992, Jon Secada’s Just Another Day and Elton John’s The One, were two of my very favorites. You’ll see them and other familiar songs along the way.

Part One is laced with local Philly/South Jersey references including Herr’s potato chips, Wawa, Tastykake, Turkey Hill, soft pretzels and water ice.

The Philadelphia Eagles play a prominent role in Part One; the Philadelphia Phillies are mentioned to a lesser extent. With both teams, I tried to highlight the famous Philly/New York rivalries. Therefore, in one pivotal scene it’s the Eagles home opener against the Giants; in another, it’s the Phillies battling the Mets.

William J. Bennett’s Book of Virtues was actually given to me by my brother Paul (Damian) in 1994. The handwritten note inside the book’s cover that Madeline reads at the end of Part One are Paul’s words, verbatim.

The flashback scene where Madeline recalls breaking her arm in a football accident with her brothers and cousins is also from real life. My brother Mark (Greg) fell into me while trying to catch a pass, resulting in one nasty fracture. And yes, he really did give me his Goodbye Yellow Brick Road album as a way of expressing remorse — a hot commodity at the time! I used to love the sketches inside the cover, especially the one of Marilyn Monroe.

Damian is Paul’s middle name; Greg is the name of one of my nephews. The name “Louis” has been a nickname for my brother Ralph for as long as I can remember; therefore, I gave his character that name!

My sister Carolyn reminds me of a close friend named Lori; thus, the name of Madeline’s older sister.

My dad’s middle name is Joseph and he is a retired general and vascular surgeon. And though in the book Dr. Joseph Rose is a neurosurgeon, the character is pretty true to his real life counterpart in every other way.

Monica Rose is based on my mom, whose photos as a younger woman remind me very much of Monica Crowley, making it easy to name that character!

The psychic Ann Claire is based on a real person, someone I actually did meet at a monthly women’s social and business networking organization. Madeline’s interaction with her that evening mirrors my own almost exactly; only her name has been changed.

Madeline’s conversation by the pool with they guy who asks her if she’d go out with him if he wasn’t married is also (unfortunately) a true-to-life incident.

One of the best things about being an author is the ability to infuse the characters with personality traits, physical qualities and talents that may or may not exist in real life. For example, Madeline and I are both former ballroom dance instructors, but only Madeline is a professional singer, too!

The Atlantic City restaurant, Frisanco’s, where Ken and Madeline share their first date is no longer in business. However, it was the setting for the actual date in 1992, along with the boardwalk and Trump’s Taj Mahal. And yes, the rolling chair incident really did take place!

Les Miserables is my favorite musical, which is why I had Madeline sing On My Own in the theatrical production she participates in with her dance studio in Boca Raton. It also dramatically underscores her circumstances at this particular juncture of the book.

My dad really does have his pilot’s licence and flew a Piper Cub for years. The aerial route over the Jersey Shore that I describe in the book was one of his favorites, especially when entertaining new passengers.

I created the beach picnic scene as another method of getting the two characters near water (in keeping with the book’s theme), and a way of conveying a bit of the Philly/South Jersey culture, via the foods they are eating, e.g. provolone cheese from South Philly. This is one scene that is purely fictional.

I used the fictional character of Erin Mahoney to represent what I perceive to be our culture of excessive self-absorption. While on one hand we have people who overextend themselves — often to their own detriment — in my experience many more are the opposite extreme. Their obsession with self tends to focus exclusively on the physical body and material possessions. Of the three Boca Raton transplants Ken, Erin and Madeline, Erin is the only one who loses sight of her values and becomes enveloped by the “keeping up with the Jones'” mentality.

Traditional values and a clear-cut sense of right and wrong are deeply ingrained in me, and I wanted my book to reflect that. Madeline does the right thing by hiding her feelings and stepping aside, allowing Ken to make his own decision about his future without any outside interference. Years later, he unexpectedly comes back into her life as a free man, only because he and Erin failed to resolve their conflicts. The dissolution of their marriage is directly attributable to them — and not anyone else.

I wrestled with a little bit of guilt over employing a psychic to help me overcome panic disorder in real life, but finally resolved it in my own mind as an answer to an oft-repeated prayer. I’ve been free of the disorder for 12 years now, and have absolutely no regrets. It doesn’t change my religious beliefs in any way; however, it is kind of ironic that someone who once feared psychics was actually healed by one!

The characters of Isabella, Mark, Elyse, Audrey, Carolyn and Robin are all modeled after real people. All names have been changed.

Sunfest is an actual festival that occurs every year in West Palm Beach. Mark calling Maddy to cancel their date at the last minute is also straight out of real life, as is their first face-to-face meeting in Mizner Park, and their evening at the Acapulco Grill and the Deerfield Beach Fishing Pier.

Ken’s roommate Kathy is a fictional character I created to set up another contrast between Madeline and other single women in the story.

My ballroom dancing days.

Carmen is based on a personal friend, with whom I once taught at the Arthur Murray Dance Studio in Wayne, PA. While her name has been changed, the rest of the character is true to her real-life counterpart. Carmen also creates a contrast between Madeline and her peers, with Carmen assuming another “big sister” role in Maddy’s life.

Although the book is loosely autobiographical, it is definitely not a documentary. Not all of Madeline’s experiences are my experiences; some are actually gleaned from various conversations I’ve had with female friends who love to talk about the happenings in their lives!

Certain elements of real life experience have been embellished and/or used as a springboard to create more drama and intrigue. In many cases, I condensed the time period between events to tighten up the story. For example, Jake’s (based on a real person whose name I changed) phone call asking for forgiveness actually took place several years prior.

Even the closest families have their difficulties, and mine is no exception; I worked hard to create balanced portrayals while also highlighting the importance of forgiveness — another theme of the novel.

The Pisces pendant that Ken gives Madeline at the restaurant was just a literary ploy to reinforce the Pisces/water imagery, although I have eaten many meals at The Ship Inn in Exton!

Some plot points are left purposely vague. For example, I know of a woman who was raped on the beach by a former boyfriend. To give an added element of drama as well as a contrast between Ken and the rest of the men Maddy encounters, I created Ray Smith, an older guy who takes advantage of her. The point here is not about a crime being committed, but Maddy learning an important lesson about trusting her inner guidance. It also serves later on as a test of Ken’s character and Madeline’s courage.

Since we are all free to filter literature through the prism of our own biases and experiences, some may interpret the book as a repudiation of traditional values. As the author, I can assure you it is not. Quite the opposite: the true merit in striving to live up to one’s moral foundation lies in the fact that it is difficult. And it’s only through faith, forgiveness and endurance through the trials of life that we become better people and develop a closer relationship with God.

With friends Kathy (left) and Theresa, who threw me a party to celebrate my book’s publication.

Although I wanted to, it just wasn’t possible to immortalize every good friend through fiction; likewise, there were some real life events that didn’t make the cut. Good thing, or the book might have been 800 pages!

The character of Cassie is based on my close cousin, Annie, who was also one of my “test readers” along the way.

I really did live with family friends when I first moved to Florida. They were wonderful people who opened their home to me for nearly two months, until I got on my feet. My mom really did grow up with the Rita character (last name changed), whose daughter Debbie has been my hairdresser for 14 years!

Elyse Lombard is based on a very close friend who is very much like another big sister to me. Our friendship grew even stronger as a result of a horrible tragedy — the untimely death of her five year-old nephew from brain cancer. This awful incident is referenced in the story. And yes, in real life, this friend loves to offer unsolicited fashion advice! 🙂

Audrey Solomon is also based on a dear friend with whom I also share a sisterly connection. She’s really a foot and ankle surgeon, wife and mom of two (though her second baby wasn’t born until well after the book was written).

Water Signs delves into sensitive emotional and physical territory — the kind of intensely personal matters most of us are reluctant to discuss. In addition to panic disorder, Madeline deals with overwhelming insecurites regarding the opposite sex and her own attractiveness; irregular menstrual periods; fear of physical intimacy and even pelvic floor dysfunction. Some of these are “borrowed” from friends’ experiences; some are my own experiences.

There is nothing gratuitous in my book, though there is plenty of “adult content.” Maddy struggles to live up to her values while trying to date in the modern world and deal with her own grown-up desires. The chapters involving older, divorced man Mark Donnelly are an excellent example of this.

I debated whether or not to include a consummation scene near the end of the book, but ultimately decided it was necessary in order to demonstrate the physical, emotional and spiritual growth of both characters. Still, I focused on making it more romantic (as opposed to explicit), by incorporating conversation and describing the setting in vivid detail. I am not as concerned about what the characters are doing as I am about how they are feeling and what they are thinking.

Having made the above two points, it was still not easy to reconcile my inclusion of intimate scenes with some members of my family. As an author and an adult, I knew most people would certainly understand and approve; however, as a daughter I was well aware that my parents still think of me as their little girl. I am happy to report my mom loved the book, though she was a little put-off at first. Now she’s my best PR agent!

The karaoke scene is also pure fiction; however, I used to sing karaoke a lot with some close friends at a little bar in Pompano Beach. Getting up to sing in front of a crowd really was a fear I wanted to confront. Leather and Lace and Stop Draggin’ My Heart Around were two numbers I used to perform with the bartender that worked there.

The nicknames Elyse bestows on Madeline’s parents — “Yaki” and “Tootsie” — are straight out of real life. A few years back, this friend and I took a road trip to Philly to visit my family. Though we were exhausted from the drive, my excited dad, who just loves to take pictures, insisted we view his photo gallery from a recent trip to Italy — thus the nickname “Dr. Yakimoto”, or “Yaki” for short!

My mom has a very dear friend she calls “Lolly”, short for Lauretta. Amused by the nickname, my friend “Elyse” was inspired to dub my mother “Tootsie” as in tootsie roll and lollypop!

My grandmother really did leave me her engagement ring, a beautiful antique piece I wear every single day. Though many have suggested resetting it, I have steadfastly refused. And though I’ve worn it for years, I still get compliments!

Visit Amazon.com to preview Water Signs: A Story of Love and Renewal and to purchase it in Kindle or paperback.

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The Evolution of Water Signs: A Story of Love and Renewal

The Evolution of Water Signs: A Story of Love and Renewal

One of the questions I am asked most frequently by readers is “How long did it take you to write Water Signs?” Paradoxically, there are two correct answers:

  1. Just under four months; and

  2. Fourteen years.

I originally conceived the title in 1994, as a reaction to some very traumatic, real-life events involving a handsome guy and a relocation to a state about 1,200 miles away from home. To put it in a nutshell, I’d moved under false pretenses, believing the guy (whom I’d met and dated two years prior), was still a.) single and b.) avidly desirous of having me move to The Sunshine State, although I’d initially balked at the idea. By the time I’d found the courage to make such a bold choice, he’d moved on with a “platonic roommate” who turned out to be his betrothed.

Indescribably humiliated, angry, hurt and demoralized, I nevertheless found the strength to view his purpose in my life as a catalyst for positive change — one of forcing me to make some painful, yet necessary decisions which I now realize were vital to my personal and spiritual growth. However, back in the excruciatingly painful reality of late-1994/early 1995, such magnanimous, mature thoughts had yet to take root in my mind (although they soon formed the foundation for my emotional survival).

When he surprised me with an in-person visit to break the “happy” news, every fiber of my being wanted to scream, cry, berate and interrogate to get the answers I knew I deserved. I wanted to tell him I loved him, but could never find the courage to admit it. Instead, I just sat there, unable to articulate a coherent sentence. That is, until he asked me point-blank how I felt about all of this. And in a performance worthy of an Oscar, I smiled sweetly, expressed my congratulations and assured him that — since my arrival in South Florida — my social life had been moving along swimmingly (which was actually true, thanks to some family friends with offspring in my age group, and a determination to create my own social circle). Thus with all the sincerity I could muster, I congratulated him and his bride-to-be, a woman whose acquaintance I was yet to make, but for whom I’d nevertheless felt an obligation.

In my mind, an engagement was a commitment that precluded any interference from past girlfriends. Should he arrive on his own at the conclusion that he and his fiancee were all wrong for each other, and therefore cancel the wedding, that would be one thing. As for me, I was not willing to hurt a woman I’d never even met, simply because he and I couldn’t get our timing straight.  Stepping aside then, was the only moral thing to do.

Somewhere in the middle of all the trauma, an image of my future book, along with its title, Water Signs, popped into my head. While I am not necessarily adept (yet) at the practice of holding an image firmly in mind, I clearly saw a book with the head-to-tail, in-a-circle, Pisces fish immersed in rippling water — hardly surprising since the gentleman and I are both March babies, born about two weeks apart under the last sign of the zodiac. I jotted down some notes in a journal. And soon after, I banished the book, the title and the guy in the deepest recesses of my mind, never to be seen or heard from again. At least that was the plan. I continued to journal, as I’d done for most of my life, but for all intents and purposes, the man for whom I’d uprooted my entire life had never even existed.

Fast forward to February, 2008 — and an odd, amorphous “full-circle” kind of feeling that led me to visit with a local intuitive named Ann, a woman I’d seen about once a year for nearly a decade. During the span of our fifteen-minute conversation, Ann ushered in a flood of unparalleled emotion by uttering one word — the proper name of the man who’d broken my heart so many years prior. It didn’t sink in at first, because I’d always called him by a nickname that’s a natural offshoot of his baptismal name, as had everyone else; additionally, this proper name is also shared by my brother-in-law. Coupled with the fact that I was still suffering from selective amnesia where this person was concerned, it took a bit of clarification before I realized that the man Ann declared was “cycling back in” was the same one I’d deliberately and forcefully sealed off in my mind’s vault, forever. Or so I thought.

And once the floodgates surrendered to the onslaught, a relentless rush of memories overwhelmed me to the point where  the only logical course of action was to prove the age-old axiom, “writing is therapy.” Thus, the “fictional” novel Water Signs began to take form in my mind. And once I sat down at the computer, the words sprung from my keyboard and onto my computer screen without much assistance from me, other than as a diligent typist, dutifully keeping pace with their frenzied demand.

Though I had a full-time job and a 40-minute, round-trip commute at the time, I’d rush home and spend a minimum of four hours every weeknight, and pretty much every waking hour of every weekend creating the story of Ken and Madeline. It was as if an angel was sitting on my shoulder, whispering the words into my ear. At no point did I have to consciously think about where to use descriptive narration versus character dialogue; where to end one chapter and begin another; or even how many pages to comprise each chapter. Although I did refer to my journals to fill in details and retrace my heart-wrenching journey through panic and anxiety disorder (a topic for another post), and even pulled out a manuscript I’d written ten years prior to formulate Chapters 21, 22 and 23, the bulk of the novel originated from a mind and a heart that had finally found the courage to tell a story whose time had finally arrived.

I sat down in March of 2008 with the intention to complete the novel by July 4 of 2008. On June 29, 2008 — my parents’ 51st anniversary, Water Signs: A Story of Love and Renewal, had completed its 14-year trajectory from obscure idea with an intriguing title, to a compelling, romantic novel comprised of 435 pages and 35 chapters.

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